So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
where are my eyebrows?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
