a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I would ride that face into the sunset
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
