I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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