Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
40s are totally the cure
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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