the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
