He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
