Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
