scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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