true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
