I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
