I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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