Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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