you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we made out on top of his cat.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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