I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
3pm strippers are depressing
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
