I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
