I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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