If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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