listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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