My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
