Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
