the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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