There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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