Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
