Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
