tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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