I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
