I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
