she woke up with a sticky ear
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
