it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
