Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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