he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
