Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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