The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize