I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
40s are totally the cure
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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