I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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