Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
