they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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