You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
