I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
