Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
