when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
