I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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