So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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