I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
