listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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