saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
