2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
