Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
