I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
