Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
