if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
