if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
