she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
