Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize