He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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