we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
