Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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