Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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