I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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