If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
