Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
