a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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