people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize