That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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