I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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