dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
