Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize