When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
