marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
