not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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