Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
