i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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