weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize