brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
