I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
