I want to make a zoo with you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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