If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
