my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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